Guide to Flirting

Frivolous Flirting and Mating Manual

It's time for something that some of you hombres may need a little bit of help with. I'm going to do this as a unisex guide on how to flirt, how to romance and how to potentially mate with someone you may have your cheeky little eyes upon. No discrimination here. Not going to lie I'm not at all qualified to do this but who knows, it may work for one of you and that's better than none of you right? Just to make you aware I'm happily in a long term relationship so I must have managed to charm and woo her somehow right? I'm going to share these techniques with you now and broaden your minds to a whole new world of hitting it off with your crush. May I also add this isn't a completely serious guide and please don't hold me accountable if this does not work for yourself.

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I don't know if you're male or female, boy or girl but cooking is a recipe for success. You see what I did there? Females generally love the effort and thought that goes into cooking whilst men just love food. Win win if you ask me. Not sure if you can invite someone around yours for a first date so this may be more suitable for a third or fourth date but it definitely adds a more personal connection. You can't cook I hear you cry? Worry not, I cooked probably the worst meal ever for my girlfriend on our third date and we're still together. All you have to do is laugh about it and allow the banter to flow. Just so you know I did overcooked pork chops, lumpy mash potatoes and under cooked carrots. On a side note if anyone needs a caterer feel free to give me a shout and I'll name my price. Also you can just wash it down with alcohol and that helps them forget. If you can actually cook up a storm in the kitchen then it helps you to utilise your skills and show your talents. Nothing sexier. As mentioned though this is a technique best used further forward in the bonding process so let's now talk initial tips and ticks to impress.

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Chat Up Lines

They're corny, cringe inducing and clearly rarely work but that's down to the delivery and expectation of the consequences that follow this. People expect it to work and that's where you're going wrong. I mean come on, what do you expect? That chat up line to leave your lips and the next moment you'll be swanning off on holiday together? No, this is the ice breaker which can show your personality off. Short and simply put it fails, you laugh about it a bit and then start chatting away. It's a conversation starter and from there you just allow fate and your charisma to take over. It needs to be bad enough and funny enough so that you can laugh about it however. Don't do one that's actually serious or you won't get anywhere. Here's a few chat up lines for you to use, free of charge;

- "Hey do you want a raisin? No? How about a date?"

- "Hey is your surname Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get"

- "Woah! Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?"

- "Hey have you got a plaster? I've hurt myself falling for you."

- "Hey kiss me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?"

That's just a little taster of some cracking chat up lines which break the ice, show you don't take yourself too seriously and hopefully get a laugh. The other alternative is the classic dad joke. They're a goldmine for sure that deserve to be farmed for romantic results. Even if it fails you can laugh at your own joke. That's what dad jokes are all about aren't they? A pinnacle of comedic genius.

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Dance Off

The night out. A typical scenario to meet new individuals who you might want to check out. Now I've seen blokes try the old stand at the side of the dance floor and glare at girls with a drink in the hand technique. They burn a hole in the head of their victim and let's be honest, it rarely works. Girls on the other hand have a pack mentality. It's literally like they're a herd of buffalo expecting a lion to attack. You can't blame them to be fair based on how a lot of the male population act as mentioned beforehand. They do take it too far though. They even go to the toilet together. Can I just ask, what assistance do you need whilst in there? Anywho go to your local reflex, grab a mate and shake your limbs to some Justin Timberlake. I pride myself on being the master of the dad dance and this is how I met my lady. We had a dance off, I won and we talked from there. She may debate the win but I destroyed her on the dance floor that night. I want to stress however the key words in the sentences before hand are dad dance. Do not and I repeat do not actually attempt to dance sexy, it does not work. Dance like an idiot, have a laugh and you'll be surprised at the results. Don't think you can dance like a muppet? Have a drink, let it flow and let the beat move your body in random movements. The more eccentric your dance moves the more attention you get. The more fun you're having whilst doing it the better energy you'll be giving off. Sorted. Only downside is it can make you a bit sweaty. 

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This is my final point for this blog and it is the simplest. You need to relate. You need to find something you have in common to start with, no matter your goal. You want to find your soul mate or just have rumpy pumpy then make sure you share common ground. Share a love of conkers? Get conking. You both love camping? Get buying a bigger tent to share. Both share a love for lions? Get down to your local zoo. You get my point. You can chat about your common ground and use this as a gateway to learn more about one another. As humans we interact with people we have common ground with. If not then we try to find common ground. It's in our nature. Make sure you go out there, wherever there is, and ask questions. Relate, debate and procreate.

I actually thought this was going to be complete garbage but some of my points actually hold some slight weight. Slight being the key word. Take them on board, go out into the world and spread some love. Either that or have fun trying. On a serious note there is no point stressing over it, after all, there's plenty of people our there and there'll always be someone for you.


BaBeS said…
Very imformative but to bad I already have my significant other. Good to know though! I will keep your blog in mind!
Anonymous said…
Great post! Definitely had a good laugh, and enjoyed these lines! They are still relevant in a married relationship- I think it is important to maintain the youthfulness you experience when you first start dating!