Winter Bulge

Why Not Indulge in a Winter Bulge?

You've all heard of the Summer Body. We've all craved a Summer Body at one point or another. Some of us have actually worked toward achieving one. Crazy, I know. What do you do when winter hits however? It's a question we never address and a question we're almost fearful to face. All of your summers hard work being undone before your eyes. Some can't even comprehend this and some point blank refuse, instead choosing to live a life of winter runs and wilted salads. I'm here to advise you of the benefits of the Winter Bulge. Boy or girl, old or young, we all need a Winter Bulge.

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Speaking purely scientifically you are going to be a lot warmer with a little pudge. We've had our super hot summer. It's gone. A distant memory. In the famous words of numerous Game of Thrones stars, "Winter is coming." What better way to prepare? Eat. Indulge. Build your bulge. I went to watch my beloved Crewe Alexander the other week and was freezing my bits off. How could I have tackled this problem? Admittedly, wearing a jumper may have helped, however I could also have ate more and moved less. How hard is it? Easier than losing weight that's for sure. This warmth isn't even solely limited to yourself. I know, who thought this could get any better? A month or so ago I would cuddle with my lady and she would still be dithering in bed beside me. Now, after an intensive training schedule of eating pork pies and sitting down on the job, I've put on a suitable podge. In bed I am a radiator, a hot water bottle and a comfy pillow. Cuddles have improved tenfold and even when alone, I'm warmer. Winner winner, eat plenty of dinner.

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Practicality is key. The desire for a Summer Body has left numerous clothes lying in your wardrobe unloved, useless and stagnant. In this day and age money is more important than ever. Do you want to spend more and more money on smaller sized clothing items? You may have felt good on a beach somewhere in Spain for a week but now you're favourite shirt hangs off you. You're facing the side effects. What do you do? Fill in the space. That shirt is going to fit and you're going to feel better for it. Your bank will thank you too. It's the reverse of what you normally see, people trying to lose weight to fit into clothes. Lets be realistic however, we're growers. As a species we grow. Let nature take it's course and feel good in yourself. Fashion isn't my strong point, however, whats trendier than a baggy sweater in winter? Not too much, so why not partially fill one in so it hangs in a natural way? That's what I say.

Let me tell you this nugget of wisdom, when you get to a certain age appearance isn't everything. It becomes less and less important, a trivial sideshow. Who's actually that impressed you have a chiseled body and stunningly handsome good looks? Well, a fair few people, but still. The point is comfort is key as they say. Why not treat yourself? You don't have to read food labels. You don't have to ration yourself. You don't need any self control. Sounds like heaven. I am a sucker for opening my fridge, seeing a seductive pudding or cake and going to town on that bad boy. No doubt, no second thought. No crumbs. What's more, no guilt. Is it nice to rub your hand up and down your skinny body or curvaceous, wondrous body? Essentially either a plank or a pillow? I know my choice.

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If you are a person who values the importance of attractiveness then don't worry, the Winter Bulge doesn't leave you behind. Let's be completely honest, does your partner want you at the gym every day for an hour or so? Probably not. Does your partner want you at home with them, eating snacks and binge watching Netflix? Probably. I hold the motto that confidence is key, not appearance. If you continue to be an interesting, funny and pleasant person you're going to have a lot more success and people wanting to approach you. If you're obsessed with gym and nutrition you're limiting yourself to a certain group of people. A certain niche. Just flaunt what you have and god has given you. Flaunt it passionately with your chin held high and you'll be surprised by the results.

Want a little added gem? Always wanted a hobby but never had the money? Wish you had a musical instrument? Look no further. Eat and play away on that belly of yours. It takes almost zero talent and you can produce any tune you put your mind and hands to.

Finally, let's be completely honest, what is one of the greatest feelings in the year that everyone experiences? That's right, rubbing your belly after a Christmas lunch which has stuffed you to your brim. In a state of paralysis, you sit there barely stirring, and a little smile crosses your face. You're full and satisfied. 

Everything in limitation is key of course. This blog is part in jest and I would like to stress I still do some exercise, even yoga, as it makes me feel good. It releases endorphins. What I am saying however is don't stress if you look down your shirt or dress. It's blessed. As long as you feel good about yourself and in yourself then that's key. Be confident, be happy and most importantly, bulge till your hearts content.


Abina said…
This is hilarious. We worry too much with how we look anyway. Sometimes we need to relax about it and enjoy our cake!
Chloe Chats said…
Love it! You're so right, a little bit of a tummy will do some good and keep you warm for the Winter haha.